What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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