Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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