just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
