My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
