Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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