I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
