That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
