Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize