What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
