why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
