RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Acid is not a monday night drug
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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