too bad you live with your parents still
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
