How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
