I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Your dad touched me again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
