brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
