I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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