You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize