She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
