theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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