i wish there were pregnant emoticons
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
