My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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