somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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