Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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