I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
