you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
