I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize