I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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