OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
