look no pants
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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