I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
