sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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