I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize