I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
