Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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