I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
