i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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