Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
