Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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