Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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