I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
