Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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