Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
