She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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