alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
