Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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