It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize