Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You did what with his pubic hair?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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