My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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