i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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