I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
