quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
