Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
