I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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