this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
