Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
