Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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