sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
only you would photoshop your dick
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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