I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
