..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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