walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i love accidental penises.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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