The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
