What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
