So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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