My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
