how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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