I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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