i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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