Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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