omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
