Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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