Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
