today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
These tits shall not be calmed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
