Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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