Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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