i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize