I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
