I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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