Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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