You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
