They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
