he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
