is your mom at the bar?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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