You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
