I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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