Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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