to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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