my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
