as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
