Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
