I am midnight drunk by noon
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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