considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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