Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That accounts for only three of the penises
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
