I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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