wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
