There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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