i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
