i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
