so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I want a musical about memes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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